Introduction to Sexual Scripts

Written by Amanda Trimm, MFT

What is a sexual script? Let’s think for a moment of a movie script. Movie scripts tell us the flow of a story: how a story starts, all the things that happen in the middle, and how a story ends. This kind of script includes stage directions, where actors stand, how they move, the emotion that is appropriate for a scene. We can think of a sexual script in a similar way. It’s the story we have inside of our heads of what sex is. Who initiates? What acts are considered sex? Who gets what kind of pleasure? What kinds of acts are appropriate? How and why does sex end? 

Our sexual scripts start getting written before we even realize they exist. We learn through our families, cultures, religious institutions, schools, peers, and the media what sex is, what it’s used for, what is “acceptable” sex, who does or does not get pleasure, and how gender plays into sexual expectations. We often don’t have explicit awareness of our sexual scripts, which heavily inform how we move through sexual interactions. 

Just like a movie script, sexual scripts can be edited. Once we are aware of our assumptions and values around sex, and once we understand what our expectations are around sexual interactions, we can edit that narrative. So ask yourself, what is my sexual script? And does this serve me? Are there things I want to keep? Are there things I want to change? Change isn’t easy, but we all have the power to edit our scripts so that the story serves us better.